When you make a mistake, it’s very common for people to try and mitigate it, say that you should not feel bad about it. While they may be kind for saying that, feeling bad about your mistakes is actually very useful, and let me tell you why.
Learning is possible thanks to our dopamine system. The way it works is that when we do something new, we always try and predict the future, and if the reality meets our surpasses our expectations (success), dopamine goes up, otherwise (failure) dopamine drops. Our body strives to maintain a certain level of dopamine so it does not like it when it drops, and we feel bad. However, it is this drop in dopamine that causes our hippocampus to remember the mistake so we don’t repeat it. If there is no drop or we try and promptly fix it, switch our attention to something else, or get the dopamine up by eating, drinking, entertaining ourselves, we forget about this mistake, and then we’ll do it again.
So what should you do if you make a mistake? Admit it, don’t avoid the bad feelings, allow yourself to be angry or sad, and reflect on how this mistake can be avoided in the future. Do not try to “make it up” by doing something else or distract yourself with other dopamine-inducing activities, because this will bring the dopamine back up, and the learning opportunity will be wasted. Do not beat yourself up either – just let the feelings fade naturally, but don’t actively suppress them. This requires being OK with having bad feelings – which is a good skill to get if you don’t have it, and feeling bad when you make mistakes is a great way to practice it.
On the other hand, praising yourself when you succeed is also important for dopamine release. Especially if your dopamine is naturally low or your expectations were too high so little dopamine got released, it makes sense to praise yourself or even give yourself a little reward after you accomplish something, as this will also stimulate learning.
So, next time you make a mistake, don’t try to get over it immediately: admit it, reflect on it, and let the bad feelings come and go naturally. This activates your body’s learning system and lets you form new pathways in your brain.