Sometimes the habits just don’t stick: you do it for a few days, then something goes wrong, you miss a couple of times and get discouraged… sounds familiar? Here are a few reasons why your habits don’t stick – and what to do about them.
Reason # 1: The habit is too large or too hard to do
If you don’t train at all and you suddenly commit to training for an hour every day, you will probably fail. Habits are not part of your conscious brain, they are part of the limbic system, and there is a limited supply of willpower that allows you to influence your limbic system with your conscious brain. And to your limbic system, an hour of exercise is a huge commitment, the body will lose a lot of energy, most of it through the brain doing new things, and the reward (if any) seems small and uncertain because the limbic system does not really care about that beach bod. It may be aware of the endorphins or the rush of energy that you will get after your exercise (provided you have that experience), but then an hour of training in view of the limbic system is not worth it.
What can you do? Break the habit down until it becomes ridiculously easy to do: exercise for 5 minutes, eat 4 grams of protein with your meal, drink 1 glass of water. If 5 minutes seem too much, try 2 minutes. Once the limbic system sees it’s not that much of a commitment, it will be easier to convince, and if you keep doing it and getting the reward, you can then slowly increase that amount of time.
Reason #2: The habit is inconvenient or does not fit your lifestyle
This can also be applied to not exercising and then suddenly trying to exercise every day. Making exercise part of your lifestyle involves many adjustments: getting appropriate clothes, eating at an appropriate time so that you are not too full or too hungry when you start exercising, going to a gym or having tools at home, having a training plan, even just remembering to not accept other commitments at this time of day. Moreover, the link between the habit and the reward is still unclear to your limbic system, so having to deal with obstacles will add to the complexity of the habit. What do I mean by this: say you want to go jogging, but your jogging clothes are in the laundry – you will probably skip jogging altogether, because it becomes too complicated. (If the habit was already there, you might actually still go jogging, but in different clothes or at a different time, because you brain would actually want to do it so it would be willing to remove the obstacles). A particular flavor of this problem is unclear instructions. Let’s say you want to learn Spanish, so you set out to “learn Spanish for 5 minutes” every day. But if you’ve never learned a foreign language before, what does this even mean?
What can you do? List all the adjustments that you need to do in order to comfortably do your habit, and then think about how they fit your lifestyle and how you are going to do it. Maybe jogging every morning will also mean doing a small load of laundry every day (actually one more habit) or getting several pieces of jogging clothes, or putting them folded on your bedside table so you are ready to get dressed. Also examine the definition of your habit and think about how clear the instructions are. Is the time set? (Because if it’s not, finding the time is an extra step which makes the habit less likely to stick). What is the first step to doing your habit? Try to define the habit, or at least the first step, very clearly. For example, if you are new to learning Spanish, try going on Duolingo for 5 minutes or get a textbook and a bookmark and do the next exercise on the bookmarked page.
Reason #3: There is no incentive
Making new habits is a little like teaching a dog to do tricks: you need to have treats, at least in the beginning. Some habits can be rewarding on their own: for example, exercising for 5 minutes will give you more energy. (Pro tip: don’t rush, let that feeling sink in – this way the habit will stick better). Ticking checkboxes or crossing out lines in your to-do list after doing the habit is also rewarding. Maybe you can find a little incentive that you can give yourself, a small pleasure that goes right after or – even better – while doing the habit, and make it exclusive to the habit. Remember that it’s not your conscious brain that forms habits, it’s your limbic system, which is just like a lab monkey: it likes treats, and if it can have a treat without doing anything, it will just have the treat.
What can you do? Make sure you get a reward after or during your habit. Here are some examples of rewards:
- make yourself a delicious drink that you only drink while studying Spanish
- watch a sitcom that you like only while exercising
- listen to music while cooking healthy meals for yourself
- buy some flattering and comfortable exercise clothes and take an after workout selfie (or just enjoy yourself)
- install an app that gives you incentives for reaching your fitness goals
- have a competition with your friends or post your results on social media
So, if your habits don’t stick, it could be that they are too large to stick, too oddly-shaped to stick, or just not sticky. Use the following questions to analyze your habits:
- What do I need to do exactly and when am I going to do it?
- Is the habit too big and how can I make it ridiculously small and easy?
- Are there any conditions that need to be met (time, mood, clothes, energy…)? How am I going to meet them?
- What adjustments do I need to make to my current lifestyle?
- Is the habit rewarding? What reward am I going to give myself for completing the habit?
Let me know what you find out!